Derided by ignorant "academic" critics who probably haven't even read his book, super-genius Victor Senchenko is, quite literally, the next Galileo. Single-handedly, and in spite of having no real scientific qualifications, Senchenko has taken the world by storm with his theory of life, the universe, and everything.

At least, according to Victor.

Victor has come to attention recently because his "marketing team" have been spamming the inboxes of various science writers in the blogosphere, (although sadly not me) about his hilariously title new book - Revelations of a Human Space Navigator. Skeptico has done an awesome job of asking him to explain his theory that time does not exist (you can prove it with two leaves and a common domestic refrigerator apparently), but Victor has taken issue with him, complaining that we don't read his book before slating it. Well, I can't be bother paying £22 for a steaming heap of shit, but luckily Senchenko has published several pages of it on his site, so I'll give you a little background from his website, and then have a look at them.

Shevchenko..., sorry, Senchenko describes himself in modest terms:

"Because humans don't know who and what they are, they had always insisted on classifying themselves ... Victor Senchenko has no attributes craved and valued by humans: he is not rich, or powerful, or famous. He’s not even an academic. Despite such obvious lack of status (which has, apparently, already allowed some to judged him worthy of their scorn, including many of those who call themselves atheists – none of whom had actually read the book) Victor Senchenko is not fazed. He considers that it is not he who is of essence and importance but the knowledge presented in the Revelations of a Human Space Navigator."

Oh dear. Looks like somebody f*cked up their exams and got an inferiority complex. He also seems to have missed a subtle point which, if you're reading Victor, I'll endeavor to point out to you now. We don't scorn you because you're not an academic, but because of the utterly insane drivel you pump into people's e-mail inboxes with such tediously monotonous regularity. But this attitude could be our loss, because apparently:

"Without the assistance of the Revelations of a Human Space Navigator those yet to come in distant future are unlikely to make it. And that would be a pity – for a species with so much potential should have brighter future prospects than that."

"Read my book or you're all going to die." Yes, really turning the impact dial up to 11 there. So what is this book about that's so important for the continued survival of us humans?

"Well, fellow humans..."

...all three of you that are gullible enough to buy this trash...

"...here is a book that provides the knowledge of everything."

What, even what the little "p

"The book that discloses what humans fear to know: the physical truth of everything in existence, including themselves. Despite human claims that they seek knowledge and truth, humans actually fear knowledge and truth, because they suspect – as it happens, quite correctly – that once any of them are exposed to physical truth, those humans shall irrevocably lose two of their most revered attitudes: that of their arrogant ignorance, and that of their high-leveled selfishness."

Of course if Victor is right about us "fearing to know", then nobody's going to buy the book, although having said that nobody's going to buy the book anyway.

The book's 400 pages are divided into 4 parts: We Are The Universe; We Human Brains; The Way of a Human Dominant Male; and Thinking Aloud. These sound ambitious, but to really give you a sense of just how ambitious Victor is, he disproves both God and time in only five pages. Such conciseness is to be expected though, from a man who earlier in the book describes "The Equation of all Physical Existence" in just three. The sample pages provided are three from the preface, and eight from the first two chapters of Part II.

The preface (which starts with the cheerful salutation "Greetings, fellow human!") actually makes a lot of sense, although probably not the kind of sense that Victor intended "...when I began to communicate with other humans, I learned that while I could understand their thinking, they could not, or would not, understand mine". You can well imagine how the rest reads - basically the most unbelievable arrogant, narcissistic drivel you can imagine about how humans are all thick, science is wrong, nobody understands me, etc. He drones or for three pages like some sort of angsty teen creationist pissed that his biology report just got an 'F' for mentioning Jesus.

Part 2 begins with... steady yourselves... a revelation.

"Most humans presume that their bodies require brains in order to function. That is not correct."

We know this to be true, by the simple fact that Victor's body has managed to type these words. It gets way, way better though.

"For all life-forms on earth who evolved as Brain-Body Beings, it is not their bodies that need brains, but always their brains requiring bodies.

REVELATION: Bodies are physical means by which brains intentionally physically navigate in space, in the present-moment.

This means that the brains of all animals develop bodies, which they use to move them (the brains) in search of sustenance, so as to have themselves (the brains) be fed with Oxygen and nutrient chemicals. They also use sex organs developed on their bodies to repoduce themselve (the brains), accompanied by bodies. By such regeneration of themselves - by means of their offspring brains - brains are capable of projecting themselves (and their intentions) into an ongoing survival."

The gene-centered view of evolution is completely wrong. Why? Presumably Victor will elaborate. In the meantime, Richard Dawkins, your Selfish Gene concept has just been pwned.

Seriously though, this is just nuts. It's so nuts, that I don't even know where to begin deconstructing it. Mutations in genes occur during cell division, and are random - there's no evidence of any pathway from brain to DNA, and how on earth would such a system translate the intentions of the brain to DNA? And where, in fact, is any empirical evidence? Where even is the hypothesis, what predictions are made?

Well, it's nowhere in the pages I've seen. Victor, if you're reading this then I'm really curious to know what actual empirical evidence you have that brains drive evolution, because all I see are a bunch of statements. Perhaps you'd care to enlighten me?

There is one quite remarkable achievement though - Victor has managed for about the first time ever to present a theory of intelligent design that doesn't require a magic being! This could be the world's first case of an Atheist Intelligent Design theory. I'm sure the I.D. crowd (you know, the guys that definitely aren't creationists in disguise) will really want to read this book. Perhaps I'll send the Discovery Institute his way? Now that would be a conversation worth listening to...